Mexican Floor Cleaner “No Es Fabuloso!”

While pretending that I was an unemployed trust-fund baby who supplemented my lifestyle and vices by the aid of a top-notch sugar daddy I spent the month of February traveling around the Yucatan Peninsula. However, it was not that sexy or cheap. I learned a valuable life lesson.

The Sniff Test

We wrapped up our trip with a 5 night stay on Isla Mujeres for my boss’ wedding. A few days were dedicated to training for the wedding. This meant laying on the beach ordering two-for-one cocktails. The afternoon before the wedding I excused myself and went to take a quick cat nap. I woke up and immediately grabbed a bottle of red Gatorade that was on the counter and took a huge-cotton-mouthy swig.

It was floor cleaner, and it was not good.

 

Terra Suddarth
April 16, 2009

Airlines: “Thank You For Choosing Us!”

Airplane seat so tiny and small

makes my legs curl in a ball.

Chair in front reclines a bit

protruding head I want to hit.

“Sit back, relax, enjoy the flight.”

”If we hit some turbulence, hold on tight!”

”We are here for your convenience,” what a lie!

(We like you miserable when you fly!)

Six hour flight

that’s so long.

There is no food service.

It’s just wrong!

If you’re hungry, it is a trap!

Seven dollars buys Snack Box crap.

”I’ll buy a Snack box” said I with doubt.

(Too bad chump,) “we’re all sold out.”

The douche next door is making noise.

Her fellow passengers she annoys.

The blob in front blows a f _ _ t.

I hope his butt grows a wart.

The fight attendant may have once had youth.

Now her old age manners are uncouth.

”I can’t take your trash while I’m serving”

(multitasking would be unnerving.)

Coughing kid having a fit.

Cover his mouth you parental git!

Sewer f_ _t just pierced my nose.

A silent-but-deadly killed five rows.

Ass is cramped.

Legs are sore.

Air is foul.

How much more?

Seat belt light turned off for comfort.

”Waitress, I’ll have a tea and crumpet.”

(No you won’t you stupid sh _ t)

Three more hours you’ll have to sit.

Do you think we will arrive on time?

Hell effing no!

Gawd damned headwind!

We’re an hour behind.

Connecting flight?

Too bad we’re late.

Run like hell to find the gate.

“Fly with us on another date.”

 

Terry Suddarth
April 2009

Flies

“Did flies attack
your food
when it came?”
 
The outdoor restaraunt patron
asked the couple at the table
next to his.
 

“There are
flies
here” answered the man.
 
“But I
wouldn’t
say they attacked.”
 
The man held a fork in one hand
and casually waved his
free hand over his plate.
 
Everyone waved one hand
to keep the flies
off their dinners.
 
The unhappy man attacked by flies
stood up
picked up his plate
 
and ordered his wife
to move to the next table
ten feet away.
 
“Honey, I don’t think
it will make any defference”
said his wife. 
 
She followed
him
to the new table anyway.
 
Mr hates flies 
didn’t
stay long.
 
Fool thought a fly
incapable of following
a distance of ten feet.
 
I had a Coke.
Fly
took a drink of Coke.
 
I had red snapper.
Fly
got some too.
 
Had ranch fries.
Fly
had ranch fries.
 
Cole slaw was good.
Fly
thought cole slaw was good also.
 
Shared ketchip and tarter sauce
condiments
with flies.
 
Flies don’t attack.
They are just
always around.
 
Flies are part of
the tropical
ambience!

Flies
Culebra Isalnd
March, 2009

From Where I Sit

Patio style chair in shade on deck

Feet elevated resting on another chair

Don’t have to do anything except relax

Some kind of tropical tree in front of deck

Tall coconut palms sway in trade winds to right

Green coconuts nestle where the first fronds emerge from the trunk.

Grove of some other kind of palm occupies space to left

Yellow butterfly went by on his way to somewhere

Boat no longer seaworthy has been reincarnated into a planter

The boat is bright blue, red and green

A name is painted in gold on the side

Id number still there

Looks like it would still float except it’s filled with dirt and plants

Some are blooming red, some white, some pink

One has green leaves that turn purple on the ends

A pearl eye thrush sits on the railing

Green hills shimmer against the pale blue sky

Path to the beach is bright in the sunshine

The air is mostly quite and still

Only an occasional bird chirping nearby

These mosquito bites itch like crazy

March 11

Terry Suddarth

A Wasp in My Coffee

 

 

 

 

Laying in a hammock
slung between two posts
on the veranda.
 
The hammock has
yellow, orange, red and black
stripes.
 
Swings slowly
from
side to side.
 
Motion is
remarkably
satisfying.
 
Air temperature is perfect
not too hot,
not too cool.
 
Tee shirt, shorts
and bare feet
feel good.
 
Wind blows
more than a breeze
but not too much.
 
Palm fronds
make rustling music
in the wind.
 
Bamboo wind chimes
somewhere nearby
sing deep soft notes.
 
Different wind chime
somewhere else
adds tinkleing accents.
 
Combined effect
of sounds are
calming and peaceful.
 
Cup of Yaucono
Puerto Rican coffe
waits within grasp.
 
Just made coffee
spiked with
8 year old rum.
 
White sand beach
only
fifty yards away.
 
Even better,
handsom woman in a small bikini
walks by and says hello.
 
This is the moment of paradise
guide books
talk about.
 
Wait!  What’s this?
god damned wasp
has flown into my cup of coffee!
 
Drowned,
it floats
on the surface.
 
Stinger extends
from the the evil
black and yellow butt.
 
Shit!
Even paradise
isn’t perfect!

Culebra Island
March 9, 2009
Terry Suddarth